Konoha Courts
by BlackandWhite Masque
Summary: “Case 8807: The state of Konoha *coughSakuracough* against Uchiha Sasuke *coughTemecough* for crimes of… breaking Sakura’s vial of perfume! WTF... The jury finds you… dun-da-da-dun … guilty!” NNNOOOOOO!... A SasuSaku crack fic


Konoha Courts…

Konoha Courts…

BlackandWhite Masks

Summary: "Case 8804: The state of Konoha coughSakuracough against Uchiha Sasuke coughTemecough for crimes of… breaking Sakura's vial of perfume?! WTF... The jury finds you… (dun-da-da-dun)… guilty!" NNNOOOOOO!!

Aneko: Okay, this was something I just thought off and wanted to experiment on—

Orochimaru: Ku ku ku, it seems like you have been following my footsteps young one…

-shoves folder full of Orochimaru's 'questionable' files behind back-

Aneko: Yeah, well shut your trap 'Michael', and stop going all Jedi on me you faggot!

-Orochimaru runs away-

Aneko: Good, now that _that's_ done and over with –takes whip from behind and cracks it on the floor while laughing maniacally- please read the fics and tell me what YOU think of it. Meanwhile, Kabuto is here to do my disclaimer! !

Kabuto: -sweatdrop- Ehehe, BlackandWhite Masks-sama (a.k.a. Aneko-sa) does not own Naruto or any other part of it though she likes it just as well… And I better run now before she hits me with that whip, Kami knows I already get a lot of that from Orochi— Never mind, I didn't say anything!

-runs for his life-

Aneko: Smart man! Review 'cause if you do I'll give you cookies… And if you don't, I'll send my robot, Lucas, to UNCURL your hair!! Yeah, I mean you, Sir Kristian! Whahaha!!

This is a SasuSaku of course. Let the shipping and fluff commence!!

…

…

Cold dawn air entered the open window in the Hokage office. Sure steady arms gripped the windowsill to support a heavy gait. A small curve of a smile made itself visible through tan skin and wispy whiskers. Blonde hair waved in small movements as it was caressed by the early morning breeze as the blue eyed Rokudaime breathed in the smell that was uniquely… Konoha.

After years of training and pining for the position, here he finally was. Blue eyes traced the faces devotedly carved on the mountain protecting Konoha, and then stopped as it trained on a personally familiar statue… A sixth face, right there amongst the previous Hokage's of Konoha, with an annoying childish grin perpetually frozen in time.

Here he was now, after reaching all his goals, the Rokudaime of the village hidden in the leaves.

Uzumaki Naruto, the sixth Hokage! Sometimes it was too unbelievable even for him.

He resigned himself from the wide open window and settled himself on the leather chair beside his desk. Naruto skimmed through the top pile of work and papers needed to be read and signed until one caught his eye…

It was a letter of complaint, a suit actually, against… Uchiha Sasuke?!... By Haruno Sakura?! Had the world gone mad?!

Naruto swung his head outside the window again for signs of flying pigs (Tonton: Oink) or maybe pieces of the sky on the ground… No such luck.

He slumped himself against his chair again while re-reading the paper. Maybe Sakura-chan was right, maybe the ramen had finally gone up his head.

The worried look that marred his face was suddenly replaced by a wily smirk.

It was time to wreak some havoc.

Utter stupidity

After reviewing the situation he was in, Uchiha '_Kami's gift to womankind' _Sasuke, could only describe this as two words: Utter stupidity…

Oh wait, there were more. Pink, female, temper, and chakra infused punch…

Now here he was, sitting on the hard wooden chair in front of the Konoha Courts with the dobe presiding as well.

Sasuke set his left arm down at the desk as his right hand caressed the now black and blue bruise on his cheek. Damn that fiery pink haired team mate of his. If she wasn't his friend, the team's personal medic (except for Naruto who had Hinata of course), and the only person in their team that can cook, he would have retaliated. But no, he was a guy and she was a girl, so he just couldn't— even though that punch nearly did break his face (OMG not the face!!). Plus he was Uchiha Sasuke and if he hit a girl it would ruin his cold and uncaring avenger reputation that he struggled to uphold.

He looked over at the vixen sitting across him. He watched as she crossed her legs, making the already short skirt rise up and show more of her bare skin that he would never admit he had always wanted to caress. He exhaled out his frustration in the form of a sigh as he felt a blush form on his cheeks. Things were already stupid enough for her to start to unconsciously undressing herself and distract him… and everyone within ten meter radius of her.

Sasuke surveyed the people inside the courtroom. He saw a head of tamed black hair so unlike his. Sai, that art addicted socially inept replacement, was probably there just for the heck of it. In other words, see everyone suffer and be made fun off. He may not seem like it when you see him passing time on his sketches but he had developed a sadistic streak only those close to him would ever know.

Iruka was sitting near where the Hokage was supposed to, fiddling with a typewriter. Naruto had hired him as his personal advisor the day he became Hokage and Iruka had jumped at the offer to supervise the blonde if he did anything stupid like I don't know, make Ramen the official religion?!

(Aneko: LOL, you should totally check "The Ramen Kami-Sama" by UnderTheSky)

He looked at the pews behind him. Even Yamato-taichou was there. He was Kakashi's replacement when he was in the hospital, resting. Although he was only a temporary instructor, he had taken in and reveled in the famous Team 7's 'charms.'

'Yeah, Kakashi's pervertedness, Naruto's stupidness, Sai's gayness, and lastly, Sakura's annoyingness!'

The Anbu instructor seemed even more worried than usual, although Sasuke did not know to whom he was sympathizing to. He silently hoped it was him, wasn't the swelling on his cheek enough to elicit support?! But then again, everyone had always had a special place for the pink haired sweetheart in their team (coughSasukeincludedcough), even that penis obsessed bastard…

Stupid pink fluffball!

BBBAAAMMM!!

Everyone heard a loud crash from behind the back entrance and nearly got a whiplash from turning their heads to the direction of the noise so fast. A whiny voice could be heard just beyond the door. It seemed that whatever or whoever made that noise crashed to the door.

"KUSO!!"

The group of people inside the courtroom sniggered as they recognized the owner of the voice that continued to spew curses until he sat himself at his designated chair.

"Shut UP all of you!! It is not nice to laugh at the Hokage!"

"If only our Hokage wasn't such a dobe."

Naruto returned Sasuke's smirk as his eyes considerably darkened, just like how Yamato did it before.

"Maybe I should just sentence you right now teme? I am just _too much of a dobe_ to patiently hear the evidence, right?"

Sasuke's smirk disappeared into his perfectly sculpted face, minus the bruise courtesy of the stupid pink fluff ball.

"Hmph, do you even know why you're here Sasuke-kun?" finally Sai talked.

Silence

Birds chirping

Sasuke's eyes twitched, while trying to suppress the instinct to gag. Why does Sai call him 'Sasuke-KUN'? Did he call Sasuke a homosexual traitor just to cover up his own _problems_? Besides, only Sakura could call him that… Ehem, scratch that.

Eeww…

When Sasuke finally found his own voice, "To incarcerate Sakura for causing trouble?" he guessed blindly. Right, and Naruto was the biggest thing since Britney popped a few screws loose.

"No, you're here because Sakura filed a lawsuit against you for destruction of property, specifically, her perfume bottle." A new voice chimed in.

Kakashi dropped in a poof of smoke. He was holding a piece of file with an amused grin on his face.

"Your perfume bottle?! That's why we're here?! Your perfume bottle?!" Sasuke screamed at Sakura. This was now officially beyond utter stupidity. This was hell and he was willing to raise it at the moment.

"Well I told you to be careful! Plus it was expensive!! It took me month of pay to buy that!" Sakura shouted with anger rising to meet the avenger's.

"Stupid onna! Stupid pink fluffball!!"

"Chicken ass, arrogant bastard!!"

The rest just sighed. Ever since Sasuke had returned and fulfilled his revenge, there weren't any love lost to spill. He was finally free to show a tiny more sliver of feelings, which weren't necessarily nice. The hollow in Sakura's heart after he left gradually turned into annoyance, then aggravation, and finally into full blown anger. This was all Sasuke's fault of course, with him insulting her every second of the day because _it was fun._ Sakura could've just ignored him but his insults put even Sai's to shame. No shouting for undying love there…

Naruto banged the gavel loudly to make them shut up. Yeesh, hooking them up was harder than he thought.

"All right, all right! I sentence you Sasuke-teme—"

"Hey, shouldn't I give my side to the fucking story first?"

"Yatta yatta, sit down on the witness bench already teme."

Sasuke sat down as Kakashi walked to him haphazardly while carrying his favorite book, Icha Icha Paradise. He raised an eyebrow as Kakashi was now in font of him and holding the orange bound book to him.

"Uchiha Sasuke, do you swear on this Special Limited Edition of Icha Icha Paradise where Misaki and Ren elope to the mountains of eternal youth from Misaki's abusive fiancée to make sweet SWEET love, to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"

Sasuke's eyes averted from its cool onyx shade to blood red Sharingan, Sakura's fists were poised to kill, Yamato looked like Sadako from Ringu, Sai broke one of his charcoal pencils, and Iruka fell down with the typewriter.

"What the hell Kaka-sensei, why is he swearing on one of your perverted books?!"

"I'll kill you! Mangekyo Sharingan!!"

Sasuke continued to spout curses as the blonde bestfriend held him from sending the perverted man into a psychologically induced coma. He sighed greatly as he came to explaining why they were using Icha Icha Paradise books.

"I'm sorry you guys but we were lacking fund to buy more Konoha Rulebooks. So for now, we'll have to make do with these…" he laughed nervously, preparing to run like hell if Sakura decided to take a swing at him anyway.

Thankfully, both Yamato and Sai prevented the girl from having the village mourn the loss of another Hokage. They let go of the kunoichi when she had finally settled down.

"Stop scowling Ugly, or I'm gonna have to call you Uglier."

He saw that punch coming a mile away.

Sakura's eyes darkened and the rest considerably backed away whilst trying to preserve some dignity, but then again, how could you if you were scared of a girl? In a clumsy way to lessen the tension, Naruto made conversation with the last remaining Uchiha.

"So Sasuke, about that story of yours…"

"Uh yeah…"

Sakura sat down at her chair and so did Kakashi, Yamato, and Iruka. Sai was still busy rubbing his head slightly wondering when he had hit the hard concrete wall.

Sasuke began to sit down and proceeded to tell his story.

"You see, it started yesterday…"

Sasuke's POV

Waking up at sunrise I combed my cold hands through my dark ebony hair.

I groaned in bed as I struggled to get up; but the more I tried to get up the bed, the more it tried to pull me in its warm covers.

Forcing my body up, I felt my feet come in contact with the cold hard floor. I sifted through the scrolls on my desk besides the window overlooking the garden of the Uchiha Mansion, vaguely remembering that I had a mission to go to today. Dressed only in my boxers and black shorts, I made my way down to the kitchen where a pink haired fluff ball was sure to be making us breakfast.

What was Sakura doing at my mansion you ask?

After I worked with the Konoha Twelve to destroy Akatsuki and returned to the village where my parents' grave was, I had found out that the mansion was too big and 'cold' for me. When I mentioned this to my teammates, Naruto a.k.a. the Dobe made the 'selfless' act of moving in with me. (A lie I tell you, he was only looking for refuge from the Hyuugas for scoring one on their mouse heiress! Take that, Dobe!) This was before the whole Hokage business of course, but he hadn't even thought of moving out since.

Sakura was _forced_ to come as well, since she knew well that the dobe and I couldn't live together without destroying at least half of the house with our fighting and the kitchen with our inability to cook.

After that, these odd balls started to pop in as well. Kakashi was looking for a place to crash since Genma kicked him out of the apartment they were sharing because he claimed that Genma was mad at him for 'stealing' all his girls… (Another lie, he was just looking for a bigger place to stash his perverted books, which he hid very well behind a secret compartment on the floor… cough)

Then there was Sai, who would drop in every now and then, not really staying too much since he had so many missions. He was okay in my book only if he would stop calling me 'Sasuke-kun', and if he would just stop hanging around Sakura too much… Not that I cared, cough.

Naruto had asked Yamato to come over as well but he felt that he was imposing too much. He did come over every morning to have breakfast with them, such as this morning when I found the First's predecessor sitting on one of the wooden chairs in the kitchen.

I expected the kitchen to be wafting with the smell of sunnyside ups (Kakashi's favorite), tomato omelette (mine), ramen (the dobe's, of course), Hisago (both for Yamato and Sai when he was home), and strawberry pancakes for her. I wondered what she liked about strawberry so much. I mean, lipbalm was strawberry flavored, hell her shampoo was strawberry as scented as well (Don't ask me how I knew)!... Cough, getting of the point here, point was, that pink fluffball wasn't making breakfast at the moment.

Yamato was going to greet me good morning when he took note of my _choice_ of clothing, or the insufficiency thereof. He blushed a little (No he isn't gay, just take note of what he's gonna say next).

"Where you and Sakura-chan…?"

Whatever rolled and ticked in the man's head, I knew he probably pieced Sakura's absence with me wearing only my boxers and shorts. I glared at him, giving him a 'what-the-hell-have-you-been-drinking' look. Yeah, I just woke up after a night of hard and wild romp with a pink haired fluffball and here I am to tell the world… I sighed, yeah I wish.

I left him to look for Sakura with only these words: Never kiss and tell. Yamato fell down the chair.

I was going to see if she was in her room when I heard noises in the bathroom.

**And I'd give up forever to touch you**

'**Cause I know that you feel me somehow**

**You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be**

**And I don't wanna go home right now**

**And all I could taste is this moment**

**And all I can breathe is your life**

**When sooner or later it's over**

**I just don't wanna miss you tonight**

I smirked, oh how I could use this as blackmail later… I silently opened the door to the bathroom and was greeted with the steam coming from the shower. Thankfully, there was a plastic drape acting as a partition and I didn't have to endure moments where my female teammate would ask awkward questions about why I got a nosebleed.

"Hurry up will you. I need to shower as well."

She stopped singing.

I waited a few seconds before she finally recognized my voice and to discern that 'no you aren't dreaming.' She took a peek from behind the curtain, covering her body of course (damn).

"What the fuck are you doing here?!"

She didn't sound happy.

"You're hogging the bathroom and I have a mission to get to later. So its either you hurry up or I join you."

I was near enough to see that she was blushing, a rare feat since I got back from Sound. She looked me up and down and noticed that I was only in my boxers and shorts.

"Just stay there, and don't you dare come any closer, or so help me Kami I will break all your bones."

She decided to go with the 'hurry up' option. I pouted a little, why wouldn't she want to get nice and comfy with me? Moments later, she emerged from the shower in all her glory, dripping wet and covered only by a short towel that reached way above her knees and inches below her thighs. Add in the steam effect and voila, a scene straight out of Kakashi's Icha Icha Paradise. (Cough)

Was it me or was it hot in here (Of course it was hot, it's the steam's fault!!)? The shorts I was wearing suddenly felt constricting. I felt blood rush up my face so I faced another direction, the mirror cabinet (Hey, can't have her seeing me blush, Uchiha's aren't supposed to blush).

I opened the cabinet and searched for something, anything, to take my mind of her (hot) presence behind me. The moment I saw the inside of the cabinet, I scowled. They were all girly stuff, and you guessed it, most were strawberry related. She had strawberry toothpaste, pink toothbrush with a strawberry handle (!?), and what do we have here… a pink vial containing something liquid…

"Hey, get your hands away from that."

I raised an eyebrow when she suddenly came up against me. I smirked and took the bottle and held it up above my head. I knew she wouldn't reach it; she was at least two heads smaller than me. I dipped my head lower, lower to her ear then whispered: "Chibisuke"

This got her riled up and more annoyed. I chuckled, which she heard cause she sent a glare up my way, she looked just like a little kid who couldn't get her favorite toy.

That's when the end of the world happened.

In her frenzy to get the bottle, she (Unknowingly my ass, she _wanted_ to do that) pressed her body to mine. I could feel the contours of her lithe body press up my body, her chest were soft and were against mine (Still wearing a towel, you pervs!).My boxers tightened, which probably forced the blood _way_ up. Call 911 and Ripley's Believe It Or Not, I was successfully having a nosebleed. If that pink fluffball wasn't careful I might have been having a heart attack as well.

And then CRASH…

"…And that is how I got this bruise." Sasuke said as he pointed on the swelling on his face.

Sakura was positively fuming.

"See, his guilty!"

"Will you shut up, you stupid pink fluffball! I highly doubt what I _accidentally_ did could be called treason and here you are now, incarcerating me already!"

Naruto banged the gavel again.

"Jury, what is your verdict?"

Jury? There was a jury?! They swung their heads to where the jury was supposed to be and saw only Kakashi. He wasn't paying any attention and was reading his stupid book.

"Oh hell no…" Sasuke muttered.

"Oh hell yeah…" Sakura smirked.

"Kaka-sensei, if you say do not say guilty, I will not cook for a week and force Naruto to do it!" Sakura told him with glinting eyes.

This got everyone in the room to pale. They would surely die within the week's time of Naruto cooking.

"You had better agree with her Kakashi-sensei!!" Sai hastily shouted to the silver haired jounin, so unlike himself.

"I think it is best to agree with Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sempai…" Yamato suggested. He had tasted Naruto's cooking once and was stuck in the hospital for a whole week because of food poisoning.

"The jury's verdict is guilty!" Kakashi hastily said and ducked for cover.

"What?! Hey, dobe, that's bribery!"

"I'm sorry teme, our survival is at stake here so… Teme, I sentence you to buy another bottle of perfume for Sakura-chan!" even Naruto did not have any illusion about his cooking.

WWWHHHAAATTT??

Sasuke's POV

"I don't believe this…" I muttered as I roamed the streets of Konoha.

'_Stupid pink fluffball!!'_

I had already gone to three perfume shops and tested every stupid bottle and I still hadn't found Sakura's perfume. I'm sure I'm going to have to burn the clothes that I am wearing this day.

I walked past a flower shop without noticing blue eyes trailing on my back. But then again, with all the girls ogling me (I shudder to think), what was a pair of eyes that I didn't notice. I did turned around when I heard my mane being shouted.

"Sasukeee-kuuun!!"

Oh great, it was that blonde banshee…

"I heard about the trial. Damn, Sakura whipped you hard…"

I scowled.

'_That was not what happened woman!! She's an evil conniving little bitch!'_

"Anyway, I knew you were going to have a hard time finding that perfume. You never should have dropped it you know, it was quite rare and only one shop sells them."

Finally, she was making sense. I tried my best to ask where it was without seeming needy.

"Where the fuck is it woman?!"

So much for not seeming too needy, but hey after a few hours of perfume testing (Blech, gag me!), you'd be on your edge as well!

"Alright Sasuke-kun, I'm going to tell you… But you have to do me a favor later…" she said in her best sultry voice, which sounded like she was drunk of course.

"If it's a date, I'm not gonna do it."

That ruined the atmosphere and her face blanched.

"Man, Sakura was right. You are an egotistical, high-strung bastard. For your information, I already have a boyfriend, who is gonna starve to death if you Sakura doesn't get what she wants." She told me point blank. Boyfriend?... Oh, she meant Sai…

"Anyway, the favor was…" she handed me a bouquet of flowers, cherry blossoms that reminded mo of a certain kunoichi.

"You want me to give this to Sai?"

"What?! No! I want you to give that to forehead girl to show her your sorry."

I stared at her… Say sorry?

"Oh no, don't tell me… You haven't apologized have you?"

I racked my head for the meaning of the word 'apologize.'

"Damn it Sasuke, no wonder Sakura's mad."

I gave her a 'what-do-you-mean' look.

"Men are totally clueless." She sighed and I glared at her for this comment.

"Look, just do what I tell you to do and I'll tell you where to find the perfume."

I nodded

"All right then, just go to…"

Sasuke's POV (still)

I made my way back to the mansion after purchasing Sakura's damn perfume. I had it wrapped in a pink glossy plastic while the cashier was ogling me, again. Damn, more fangirls.

It was already sunset when I got there. I glimpsed a head of pink sitting at the porch. I assumed she was sleeping since her eyes were closed. I walked to her and gently nudged her shoulder to wake her up.

"Hey, Sakura…" I whispered.

Her eyes fluttered open and it was only in this near distance that I realized her eyes were breathtaking. She rubbed her eyes a little and yawned. She noticed the things I was carrying, I expected her to smile and be happy but she wasn't.

"You just got back?" she said in a hushed tone, she still hadn't regained her voice from sleep. I nodded.

I sat beside her and we both watched the sun go down. Judging from the silence, I assessed that the dobe and the other people in the house were not home yet. It was just the two of us.

"So you were waiting for me?" I asked her.

She looked at me shyly then nodded. I sighed heavily. Along the way to the shop, I thought about what Ino said. Maybe she really was mad because I hadn't apologized yet. So I gathered up my courage and swallowed my pride.

I shoved the bouquet at her face. Oops.

"What the hell Sasuke?" the fire of indignation was back.

"I'm sorry!"

She was stunned, I could tell. She blinked a little, a lot, and stared at me as if I suddenly grew two heads and was taken over by Orochimaru.

"W-what did you say?"

"I said I'm sorry…" A little quieter this time.

She brushed my bangs up and pressed her forehead against mine.

"You don't seem to have a fever. Are you drunk?" she asked me. Personally, I was getting a little heady, her breath smelled like strawberries as well. I smirked, I wonder if she tastes like that as well…

"Sakura, I'm serious, I am sorry."

She backed away and averted her eyes from me. I think she finally got it. We were silent for a while, and then her voice crept back up…

"You know, if you had said so in the first place, you would never have had to go through today." She meant the whole shopping experience.

I sighed and shook my head with a smirk. I should have known. I crept a little closer to her, near enough to feel her warmth radiate to me.

"Sakura… I'm sorry for dropping the bottle and not being careful, I'm also sorry for not saying sorry in the first place." This was so not like me, talking and all.

She looked at me like she was about to cry. Had I said something wrong?... Well, I guess not since she suddenly jumped and hugged me. She buried her head on my shoulder, I only noticed that her hair smelled good just like strawberries. After that, nothing comes to mind anymore.

Oh yeah, nearly forgot… She did **taste** like strawberries as well…

"Haha, did you see teme's face when I told him his sentence?!" Naruto couldn't stop laughing.

Kakashi, Sai and Yamato followed behind, scowling dejectedly. The blonde hadn't stopped talking about it since this morning. They were also irritated since they nearly had to eat Naruto's cooking for a weak.

They entered the Uchiha Mansion as if they owned it. Heading to the kitchen for something to eat after a long day, they saw something they probably shouldn't have. Sasuke came out of Sakura's room wearing only his boxers and shorts.

"Sasuke-kun, where you and Sakura-chan…?!" They asked simultaneously.

Uchiha Sasuke groaned. No wonder Yamato thought that he and Sakura were together that morning…

Aneko: OMG, Sasuke's such a dork!! Haha, sorry about the Sai bashing. Don't misunderstand, I absolutely love Sai and if not only for Sasuke, I would have been pushing for a SaiSaku… Yeah yeah, I wrote this cause I was frustrated with Nyx Eros not having any SasuSaku yet… I should be getting to that later.

I have another story coming up too, 'Teardrops in Summer.' Be sure to check it out!

Review or I seriously will send Lucas after you!! Bwahaha –cracks whip on the ground-


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